•Abounding Affirmations•

I’ve decided to dedicate a page to various quotes, funny sayings and stuff like that! So, If you like that kinda thing then cool stay and read awhile, if it’s not your cup of tea then too bad! 😛

• Unknown – “The whole country is one vast insane asylum and they’re letting the worst patients run the place!”
• Matt Groening – “Romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.”
• Confucius – “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
• Mae West – “Give a man a free hand and he’ll try to put it all over you.”
• Hugh Elliott – “You can always tell you’re in trouble when the good option involves a prosthetic leg.”
• Benjamin Franklin – “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.”
• Henry David Thoreau – “My friend is one… who take me for what I am!”
• Friedrich Nietzsche – “A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.”
• Mahatma Gandhi – “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.”
• Oscar Wilde – “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”
• Woody Allen – “Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.”
• Aristotle – “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”
• Albert Einstein – “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.”
• Unknown – “There is no such thing as failure. There is only sweet and sour reality, and more is learned from the sour, oftentimes, than from the sweet. For failure, hard as it may be to swallow, opens the blinds to the real world, and reawakens the clarity of vision known only to those who have risked, and tasted, disappointment.”
• Sir Winston Churchill – “It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time.”
• William Shakespeare – “I must be cruel only to be kind; Thus bad begins, and worse remains behind.”
• Confucius – “It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get.”
• Mark Twain – “Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”
• George Burns – “It’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.”
• Albert Einstein – “I never think of the future – it comes soon enough.”
• Homer Simpson – “Don’t worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep. In a giant blender.”
• Spike Milligan – “My father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.”
• Unknown – “There are three kinds of people: The kind that make things happen, the kind that watch things happen & the kind that wonder what happened!”
• Nintendo CEO – “Video games don’t affect kids! If Pacman had affected us as kids we’d all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills & listening to electronic music!”
• James Dean – “Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today.”
• Mahatma Gandhi – “I want freedom for the full expression of my personality.”
• Marilyn Monroe – “I’m pretty, but I’m not beautiful. I sin, but I’m not the Devil. I’m good, but I’m not an angel”
• Matt Groening – “Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.”
• Aristotle – “One swallow does not make a summer, neither does one fine day; similarly one day or brief time of happiness does not make a person entirely happy.”
• Confucius – “Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.”
• Unknown – “Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?”
• Friedrich Nietzsche – “There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.”
• Hugh Elliott – “Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you have to be involved with them. Love is not a bandage to cover wounds.”
• Ralph Waldo Emerson – “Every sweet has its sour; every evil its good.”
• Woody Allen – “Some guy hit my fender and I said “be fruitful and multiply” but not in those words.”
• Henry David Thoreau – “Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it.”
• Benjamin Franklin – “Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.”
• Friedrich Nietzsche – “The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.”
• Unknown – “Sometimes I’m confused by what I think is really obvious. But what I think is really obvious obviously isn’t obvious!”
• Mark Twain – “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”
• Mahatma Gandhi – “Hate the Sin. Love the Sinner.”
• Oscar Wilde – “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they’ll kill you!”
• Confucius – “Worry not that no one knows of you; seek to be worth knowing.”
• Mae West – “When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before.”
• Earl Weaver (Baltimore Orioles manager) – “In order to keep doing what we’ve done, we have to keep doing what we’ve done in the past.”
• John Lennon – “If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then there’d be peace.”
• Tiffany Graham – “The way a person chooses to express their individuality is up to them & personally I encourage the strange & unusual” (^_^)
• Benjamin Franklin – “Fatigue is the best pillow.”
• Johnny Depp – “I pretty much try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because I like the expression it leaves on my face.”
• Homer Simpson – “I never apologize. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am.”
• Unknown – “I wasn’t really asleep I was just meditating on unconsciousness.”
• Elizabeth Taylor – “The problem with people who have no vices is that you can be pretty sure they’re going to have some annoying virtues.”
• Salvador Dali – “There is only one difference between a madman and me. The madman thinks he is sane. I know I am mad.”
• W.C. Fields – “I never drink water, fish fuck in it!”
• Alexander Woollcott – “All the things I really like are either immoral, illegal or fattening.”
• Paul Fix – “The only reason people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory!”
• Steven Wright – “Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have the film.”
• Hans Christian Andersen – “Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.”
• Lillian Dickson – “Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once.”
• Woodrow Wyatt – “A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.”
• H. Jackson Brown, Jr. – “Life is slippery. Here, take my hand.”
• Aldous Huxley – “An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.”
• Al Capp – “Abstract art: a product of the untalented sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.”
• Unknown – “Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.”
• Dilbert – “Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.”
• Mark Twain – “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.”
• Woody Allen – “Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.”
• Oliver Goldsmith – “Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.”
• Ralph Bus – “Children really brighten up a household – they never turn the lights off.”
• John Benfield – “Eagles may soar high, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.”
• Oprah – “Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.”
• George Bernard Shaw – “Every man over forty is a scoundrel.”
• Will Rogers – “Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.”
• Groucho Marx – “He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.”
• Bob Hope – “I don’t feel old – I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.”
• Frank Sinatra – “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.”
• Spike Milligan – “I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.”
• David Brent – “You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.”
• Paul Ehrlich – “To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.”
• Henny Youngman – “What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money!”
• Voltaire – “The ideal form of government is democracy tempered with assassination.”
• Willy Wonka – “This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.”
• Eleanor Roosevelt – “I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.”
• Unknown – “Never take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.”
• Anton Chekhov – “The only difference between doctors and lawyers is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you, too.”
• Homer Simpson – “Here’s to alcohol: the source of, and answer to, all of life’s problems.”
• W.C. Fields – “I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.”
• Woody Allen – “Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.”
• Ambrose Bierce – “Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.”
• Rita Rudner – “Men forget everything; women remember everything. That’s why men need instant replays in sports. They’ve already forgotten what happened.”
• Ed Furgol – “My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.”
• Mae West – “When I’m good, I’m very, very good, but when I’m bad, I’m better.”
• Herbert Henry Asquith – “Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.”
• David Brent – “Never do today that which will become someone else’s responsibility tomorrow.”
• John Wayne – “If you’ve got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.”
• Will Rogers – “We can’t all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.”
• W.B. Yeats – “Some people say there is a God; others say there is no God. The truth probably lies somewhere in between.”
• Charles Monroe Schultz – “I love mankind. It’s people I can’t stand!”
• George Burns – “I was married by a judge – I should have asked for a jury.”
• Lucille Ball – “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.”
• Jerome K. Jerome – “It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless of course you are an exceptionally good liar.”
• Mark Twain – “Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most!”